“Lopez is up, Honan on deck, Butler holding”
I exhaled a deep breath and glanced at the woman in white polo grasping the clipboard. Everything started to sink in at that moment. This was it. This was what I had been wishing for. This could be my moment.
It was June 8th 2012 at the New York State Public High School Athletic Association’s State Track and Field Championship Meet. All around me were some of the best athletes in the state and some were the best in the nation. I stood miserably at the long jump pit.
I was ranked as the number one seed for the Girls Divison II Long Jump. This was only written on paper but it felt like it was carved in stone and that the expectation that I would win was planted in everyone’s mind. My first jump I had fouled by beginning my jump over the twelve foot board. My second jump was a measly sixteen footer. I was supposed to win this event and I might not even make it to finals. I felt pressure.
My shoulders felt heavy as if doubt had physically manifested itself into a creature hanging on my back. Thoughts swirled in my head. Why am I here? Who am I kidding I can’t do this. I’m not as good as these girls. That girl right there is going to Cornell, that one Dartmouth and that one Penn State. This is my first year long jumping and I think I can win a state title? That’s unrealistic. Just last year, I was injured and couldn’t even compete. I’m just embarrassing myself. I don’t belong here.
“Honan up, Butler on deck.”
At this point I must have looked like I was ready to jump off a bridge. My coach locked eyes with me and told me to relax and calm myself down. She reminded me that practices are physical but meets are all mental. All of the girls on the seed sheet were all within a few inches of one another. We all had a chance of winning if it was our day. The deciding factor would be who had their composure that day and would not let pressure manifest itself into a bad day.
I went off to the side and paced back and forth, talking myself down from the ledge. I took a deep breath and envision all of my doubts and negative thoughts melting off of me and falling into a pool around my feet. In my mind, I did a play by play of my best jumps of the season. 17’ 10” Tri-Valley. 17’ 10 ¾” MHALs. 18’1” Sections. I’ve done this before and I can do it again. I’ve won meets and I’ve broken school records. I believe in myself. I’ve come so far. I deserve to be here. This is my moment. I deserve this.
I remembered the laminated four leaf clover my little sister had given me before I left yesterday. I slid it into my shoe underneath my left foot, my takeoff foot.
“Butler up. Final Jump”
I stepped onto the runway and locked my eyes onto the sandy white pit that suddenly appeared to be miles away. I silenced the world and felt like I was the only person left on the planet. With my eyes locked shut, I exhaled and envisioned myself soaring. I opened my eyes and had primitive short thoughts. Speed. Agility. Confidence. Hit the Board. Open up. Power. Fly. Faith.
Rhythmically I took fourteen steps, with each my pace quickened. My penultimate step rolled off of my foot, heel to toe. I was airborne. The feeling of defying gravity and hurling yourself through the air is the best feeling in the world. I stretched my arms back, pointing my chest towards the sky. I tossed my head back and enjoyed my brief moment of power where I wasn’t contained by the boundaries of gravity. I floated through the air.
The parabola of my leap began descending as I reached for my toes, assuming a piked body position. My legs were parallel to the ground until my heels hit the sand. My feet were sucked into the pit of quicksand. White sand sprayed everywhere. The abrupt interruption of the ground came as a shock. Inertia threw my body forward. I stumbled out of the pit breathless.
I held my breath until the track officials had measured it and grinned. “Eighteen feet and three inches.” A new personal record that would put me in the lead. I exhaled and clutched my heart. The world came rushing back and flooded my mind. Relief swelled inside of me. I thanked my lucky stars that I executed that jump under that pressure.
………………………………………
The rest kind came as a blur. I knew I had placed in long jump but when they called my name for the podium and the only spot available on it was smack dab in the middle, high above the other five girls, I knew I had won.
That’s when it hit me. I was a State Champion. Even though the elevation of the podium was only three feet, I felt like I was on top of the world. I laughed as I remembered all of the doubt I had before. I grinned at my coach as I clutched my gold medal. This is my moment…
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